Today after church had the nice opportunity to chat with my friend whom i haven’t talked to in a while. Actually personally, she inspired me a lot. When i was younger, she was a terrific singer in church and taught us vocal technique and so forth. A true symbol of pursuing dreams as well, as she headed off to pursue her dreams of studying elsewhere at one point. we had a fundraising concert and all where her friends all talented and professional level musicians and artists came and performed. I was truly inspired. The amount of talent that they have and all. That definitely left a strong impression in my heart.

LOL we are so similar. we are facing the same kind of dilemmas or situations in pursuing our dreams. What’s the next step, what to do and so forth. But i guess the perception of our world is also something we talked about.

Currently, I’m in some huge period of depression. I’ve ranted here and there about my life, my dreams, how hard it seems to get there, and how much i think i suck. And I still do think these things. People born with a beautiful voice. they can write anything, sing any song, and make it sound good. They’re just talented. Born talented. I’m not. I have to try so hard to write a good song, use the right chords, sing in the right way, even eat the right things, sleep early, and do all these things to make sure my diaphragm or vocal cords would perform well before i do anything music related. Still, in most of my youtube recordings and all, it wasn’t a “good time”. It was just when i felt i had to record it. or I just wrote something and i had to get it down. But even if i was at my peak, I’d still sound bad. That is my personal belief and I’m sure many agree, though some might not. I mean, if I had an amazing voice, anything i did would sound good and people would appreciate that. That said, it means that much more pressure… to write something good or whatever. And even now, that proves to be hard. Even putting my emotions or dark thoughts on to a sad song is impossible. Everything is just hard. That’s extremely frustrating. I’m losing my mood and drive for just about everything. Design, literature or music. I’m so weary. weary of fighting so hard for these things. When nothing is coming out of it. Sure, maybe i just give up too easily or am a total emo. I have too much hope sometimes. In many things. Not just my dreams and passions. But in any case, until the day something comes out of this, it’ll still seem like nothing’s coming out of it. That’s just the reality. You can’t always hope and be optimistic when there’s nothing happening. That gets really tiring. that’s where i am right now. Opportunities don’t seem to come.

But this brings me to more thoughts from what we’ve been talking about. It is more about the world. It’s not just me but it’s everyone. Many close friends many people have the same issues. Where they’re going in life, what to do with their talents and passions and dreams. There are many many who don’t have passions or dreams and are stuck with a complacent lifestyle, satisfied or just nonchalant about what they’re doing. They’ll slave away at jobs, finish their university degrees, do everything that society deems is appropriate or normal. And in the end, that’s their life. It ends up with nothing. Just them and their bubble. But there’s also some who are like me. I’m glad that today i was able to have this conversation, to realize that i’m not alone in this way of thinking. But in fact, many of us have the same desires. And these people who are aware and who do see what’s going on in the world, and see who they truly are…. are the ones who are unemployed, lost and wandering.

The world and the system is suffocating those of us with that kind of fire in our heart. Opportunities do not come and so on. But moreover, what’s more important is that we are lacking guidance. for most of my life, all of the ten-fifteen years i’ve been in my church, I’ve had next to no counselling, no mentorship, no guidance. This isn’t just me. This is everyone. Not just people in our church, not just christians, but everyone. All of my friends who are wandering, wondering what they’re doing… we don’t have any guidance.

This is the effect of the system we have currently. The world has changed but the system doesn’t realize it. The education system is horrible messed up. I know alot more than what most of us know because i am actually part of the school board, i teach classes, i’ve worked in the school board, my mom works for the school board, and i know many people who work for the school board. Sure, you may have been a student for a long time, or you may talk to or know teachers, but until you get behind the scenes you won’t know what’s going on. The kind of politics, the kind of depression most teachers are going through here and now in the school board. The corrupt system. It has gotten worse over the past ten years. People have become utterly selfish behind the scenes. Principals, teachers. All there to just earn money, no longer having any heart to serve the next genration. When i was in elementary school, there were still many who had a heart. But now, there is less and less. Less and less of a vision, less and less of a heart and passion to help kids grow. Now that’s only a brief mention about that aspect. The amount of stress and pressure teachers have now, due to factors like, the new youth generation/culture that is arising and the lack of support from employers/leaders on top of the ladder, as well as the politics, drama, gossip, hatred between teachers, parents and everyone alike. this is a reoccuring theme that we will revisit later in this post. Keep in mind these words: isolation and suffocation.

For teachers, teaching has become almost purely just a fight, a war between teachers and their kids. a war between teachers and the parents. a war between teachers and their bosses. a war between teachers. There’s a lot more detail i could go into. But i don’t want to gossip, so we’ll just talk about for example, classroom management. The youth nowadays are really really messed up. Seriously. No better way to say it. not only is it behaviour, like how they test you, your endurance, your patience, your rules and so forth (because pretty much any kid would do that – though perhaps it was better many years ago) but there is a new inbred disease. A cultural disease – a result of pop culture, a result of parenting and society/system. For example, that negativity in everyone. EVERYONE. not just kids. But in the kids, i see it so much in the classes i teach and in the stories form teachers i hear… the kids no matter what happened, no matter what situation always has comments and something to say. And they’re all negative! “This sucks” “this is boring” are standard but there’s a lot more that is worse than that… not necessarily all the time what they say but the attitude they say it, and how often they say it. It’s almost like nothing to them is good anymore. it’s like they’ve lost their innocence. This is something brought down from the adults and society in general. I haven’t thought about it long enough about the roots of this. But in our parents alot of them seriously don’t know how to parent. We can’t blame them (and in this post, don’t take anything as blame, but just an analysis at what’s going on). But that’s the root. In the parents, in the media, in everything… there is a negative spirit. It transcends much more than the content or what’s said and so forth. but its something that is already seeded in everything we do. Right now, right here, i am being negative and judgemental. Negative spirit though doesn’t just mean negative comments or negativity but it includes things like a sneering kind of attitude, a selfish attitude and so forth. Everything is about yourself now. Human rights have become no longer something that protects us as people but it’s something people abuse to gain the upperhand over someone else! It’s like taking freedom of speech as meaning you can say anything even if it hurts someone else. It’s putting your own self over others without considering people’s feelings. We see this too much. This is an example of our negative culture. It’s in EVERYTHINg. everybody. Whether it’s in politics, human rights movements, in our youth who put down each other, who argue over small things, in the adults raising complaints against teachers. Instead of anything constructive to help someone grow, to encourage change, or positive responses, only the most negative destructive judgemental things are said.

This is seriously boggling my mind to think about it. I just hope people out there reading this can see what i’m saying. If you really think about it from all aspects…. I hear alot of stories of parents complaining to teachers, to principals and stuff about a teacher… based on what? based on a story the kid told. Do you have any idea how untrustworthy the children are? They are totally not innocent anymore. They fabricate stories about their teachers. This is a bad teacher or whatever. They don’t know how to teach. blah blah blah. They insulted me! They hit me! etc etc. thats just the most basic of examples… Yet, what is the reason for their lack of learning? Possibly because they are talking and laughing away with their friends every class? Possibly because they skip class? Possibly its their fault. Not to say its not the teachers fault. But everything has two sides to it. But no, parents take their childrens’ word as law and take it against the teachers. How do they do it howver? not nicely. With a very malicious attitude, swearing, yelling, making a loud ruckus. If the principal doesn’t handle it well (so they say) they will take it to the authorities. Uhh… what does that sound like? Like a whining child. Do it my way! Or else! Yes.. all about selfishness. “Their rights” Basically they want that teacher fired. some say that outright. Not only do they not consider the teachers’ feelings, or what their life story is, how much they’re struggling or something, and don’t realize that they are powerless. How can YOU fire a teacher? like… not even the principal can… who do you think you are? The subject of debate isn’t even something the teacher may have done wrong, or against the law. In those cases, where its clear then there’s no doubt. But it’s bias and based on personal opinion or a story from a child. Oh i rant too much. This is going too specific.

Anyway where was i. But yes, there is a spirit of negativity. Not just in children, adults, not just in the world, but everywhere. MY rights. MY world. MY way. Everything else sucks.

Okay so teaching has become like that. No wonder the education is messed up. In any case. Because of all this, teachers have lost heart, lost passion. People are there only to be paid pretty much… this doesn’t just translate in education but all across the world, in all industries and in all workforces. Most are there just because they need money. That is definitely no attitude to work. The product of the labour would be fruitless. It would be harmful.

Now teachers have lost heart. This brings us to the students’ side. Many of us are so lost. To this day, like i said. I am lost and never had any guidance in my life. There are many like me. To this day. Some go into university just because their parents want them to. Some go into university just because eveyrone does. Or society expects it. Everyone goes into university now. That’s the standard. Get a degree. Yet most don’t even know what they want to do with their life. Without that knowledge… how can they do well in school? Many flunk, drop out, switch majors, etc. Those that prevail… eventually end up in some job they are not vaguely interested in… producing more of those people mentioned above. I will call them zombies. Working without a heart, without a care, just for money. Parents always say stuff like… get a degree so you can have a back up, or so you can make some good money. You’ll have to be independent some day, raise a family and such. even if someone goes into university for that reason, that is NO REASON to go into unviersity! Without knowing what to do with your life, without knowing what exactly ur studying, or studying for? What’s that going to amount to?? We are here for a reason! If you don’t know your reason then you’ll waste your entire life. Indeed, getting a degree in my opinion may be very limiting. AFter the degree, you need to find a job. This is almost expected. This is almost something everyone accepts. at that age, you are thinking of your significant others, and perhaps the future as a family and so forth. So find a job it is. Those that do not, and there are many who either can’t find significant others because everyone in society is just so messed up (all of us are) and don’t click, are selfish, self-centered, can’t understand the opposite sex etc or have other plans… even then, many might not know what they are doing. Some might work just to go on vacation, to have fun. To go clubbing. to buy the next gadget, or to buy a car, or whatever. Driven by trivial temporary immediate pursuits. Its rare to find people who actually know whothey are, know what they’re on this earth for, and know where their dreams and passions and talents lie. Those type of people who are at that step, many of THOSE don’t know their next step. Are lost, they don’t know where they’re going or how to get where they want to be. They dont’ have the right connections and opportunities or what not. (this is me). In the end, if these people don’t find a living, they will be forced to return to be zombies. Yes, all this results in zombies. Those who are not… are VERY rare. VERY VERY rare. I’ve been talking about the different type of people i see (tho im sure there are more perhaps but those are the main situations)… i’ve said many, and then many in that category, and then many in that category and even many in that become zombies. so what we’re left with is a very very small number. Those who actually find their way to their rightful path, to their reason for living.

That’s for people my age i guess. Many of us are lost and wandering. What do we do with our lives? at this point it is so crucial. Because the wrong choice or without finding the right path SOON, you end up a zombie. Once you end up a zombie, the ropes come and tie you down til you have no way out. I.e. if you have a family, you need to have a steady income to support your family etc… then… you really have no choice and not much room or leeway to move about. Unless you become rich. But then, it would be quite a while down the line and even then, your passions might have been killed by what you’ve had to go through. By then, things may have changed. by then you may be lacking the energy and fire. By then perhaps you are so materialistic. you’ve tried your hardest to become rich. in that case, it’s quite rare to be able to break away from the “system”. I use the word “system” alot and very freely. It means the way of the zombies, or the way that is expected, the norm, the standard, the expectations of society, the rules of modern life in the 21st century and so forth.

so for people in my generation who are mainly absorbed with the rest of their lives… where’s the support? Same thingi mentioned before. Isolation, suffocation. Who’s our closest friends? In university many friends are scattered all over the place. We no longer really have close friends. who do we turn to in times of need, do they actually care and support us? The people we just party with? The people we just laugh with? Who will guide us and help us find our future path? Professors are so distant, the adults are distant even though we are turning into adults soon. This isolation, in turn creates suffocation. Burning out for those who have passions, burning out for those who don’t know what they’re doing. What on earth are we doing? Why are we fighting so hard and continuing on doing the same things? course there’s a lot more i can say. And course there may be exceptions. Or you can think you’re an exception. But let me ask you when you’re in your period of depression. Who cares for you? Who’s your support?

But that’s enough about us. Moving to our younger generations, high schoolers. They face the same issue about what to do with their life. But more over they are influenced by media. I see so many who have lost their innocence, whether its sex, drugs, materialism, and just horrific lifestyles. Clubbing, spending, indulging themselves in temporary pleasures… that’s where they learn all that. Society has changed a lot. Now, guys and girls have physical contact sometimes in the most intimate ways…. just for fun. Even friends do it. for fun, for jokes. whatever it is. In high school it’s also about love and relationships that become like the wind, so temporary, something that no one cares about anymore. Something just for fun. They learn lies, deceit, cheating, destroying of trust and values. learning pain and hate. people are getting hurt and being crushed emotionally. Instead of caring for one another and people’s feelings, there is selfishness. I mean… that’s really really messed up. And already, i’m no longer part of this generation and i dont’ know half the things that go on now. I just know what i’ve observed and what i’ve heard. In any case, this brings us back to our two special words. All these things high schoolers absorb… turns them into zombies. Yes, everything turns us into zombies. Everything isolates and suffocates. If you ask whether high schoolers who indulge in all the things above, whether they actually have people that care about them, or close friends etc. Sure, they can fake it and say yes, i love my bff. all those pics on facebook together, all the time spent together, all the laughs and stuff. But ask them again in their times of depression. Everyone feels like no one cares for them. no exceptions really. Everyone has their own stories. But yes, isolation. In the crowd, in a club, in a wild party with friends… there may be some of the most lonely people ever. There is no support. This same pattern. Do you see? No support from family because they don’t understand us. Parents are so distant. Sometimes high schoolers admit to hating their parents. They want us to go into university. study something we don’t want to do. they aren’t even interested in our talents. We’re always told to do things we don’t want to do. Don’t go out with friends. Either that or they don’t even care. They don’t even know if we’re home. Or they’re not even home. The stuff we study in school feels so irrelevant to the world we see. everything now is about the visual world, the virtual world, the media and so forth. Once again, i really am barely scratching the surface. But hope it paints the picture. isolation. no support. no care. and then comes suffocation.

Even in elementary school, they are exposed to media and they lose their innocence. Grade 4s on Facebook? Gossiping and listening to slutty songs on the radio? and they play things like the song friday in the PA systems. Party on the weekends. That’s right. that’s what it’s all about. The root of the things i mentioned above, they learn that there. In elementary school, its about being forced to do what they don’t want. Also having the back up of parents when something doesn’t go right. The parents will blame the teachers for sure. They learn a negative human right kind of view of society. Fight for what you want. It’s all about what you want to do. I’ve seen so many elementary school kids throw tantrums because most are well, spoiled. Their parents do everything for them. Right from kindergarden to grade 8. They’ve got their parents taking care of it all and its taken for granted. They learn no life skills. Instead they learn to take what they want, to complain, whine and be selfish. It’s like all about materialism .the gadgets, video games, trading cards, toys etc. Show off what you got and get what you want. I teach my classes and ask them for input on themes or subjects for projects. if asked what makes them happy, at that age they will only say things like… my toys, my games and so forth. Whatever happened to going on a trip with your family?

I think everything boils down to how messed up the system itself is. The education system is really really outdated. The world and society has changed. The influence of the media, parenting, and all kinds of themes in this world… It’s changed the generations. And it’s getting worse. the form of teaching now and the curriculum is very suffocating for the students. Students at any age lack care and lack guidance. Even to this day, i lack guidance. What we lack is mentorship. We need to have a structure where we not only connect to students personally, perhaps one on one, but we aim to educate in morals, values, life skills, compassion and consideration for others, everything a parent should do (because they aren’t doing their job), and also to bring out the best in kids. help them find their talents, their identity, and where to go with their lives. This is a lifelong journey, it starts right from elementary all the way throughout adulthood. Building the right foundations and helping them discover themselves will go a long way in the future. as they get older, the system needs to gently guide them to the right directions where they will be able to work their potential. Whatever their gifts and talents are, they need to link up with that industry and people in that industry that will help them settle in and find their career path. this is a mentorship process. this is a journey… the education system no longer provides the right support and the right journey. i really believe in this new education system based on mentorship, personal connection and support. of course everything has its own disadvantages. i dont know how many students would actually want to personally connect with a mentor. some might be shy or just reject such an idea. they might feel that it would be like someone controlling their life. in reality we want the mentor system to empower them not to tell them what to do but get them to find out for themselves what they would like to choose. and then link them up with their choice and make it possible for them to fulfil their dreams. in any case this idea isn’t new, some ppl want to do it, some might have done it already but it should be a larger force and more students should be educated in such a way. Now how to find those mentors is difficult too. Like it will have to start small. Find some good mentors initially and then in turn, their mentees become good mentors as they grow up, mentoring more mentees. slowly this system will build up some good mentors. From the beginning it’ll have to be really small. its really a chain actually. Everything is cause and effect. If one is cared for and raised well, then in turn they may be a positive influence. However, most of us are messed up. Myself included of course. In terms of mentorship… For example if I myself find a good mentor in the actual industry i’m interested in, then in turn after learning from my mentor, I will mentor someone younger than me probably in high school, in turn after getting mentored by me, the high schooler might mentor an elementary school student. (assuming that we all become good mentors because of our own mentors LOL) problem is there is no standard to know whether we’ll be a good mentor or not. That must be somehow planned. Perhaps a sort of application process, training and so forth. (just like how teachers have to be qualified) But there might also a requirement that those who have been mentored are responsible to mentor someone younger at least for a period of time or something. Because if this isn’t continued, there will be a lack of mentors and people will once again no longer have a personal connection and personal guidance.

Anyway, in church itself is another example. The politics come actually from that same negative spirit and selfishness. My way, not God’s, not anyone else’s but MY way. Because of all this, in church you no longer find that care or support. in the decade i’ve been at church, not once have i had a proper mentor. that is sad. very sad. especially when a spiritual journey definitely needs guidance from mentoring. People burn out when they serve in church because of isolation and suffocation. Serving just becuase you have to, or just because that is how the program works. Serving out of your own effort rather than the power of God or by the conviction of the Holy Spirit. that’s all very dangerous. not only do people burn out but it will harm everyone else spiritually. Many of us, the youth, the adults, find church boring, or find a lack of love or care. Instead, conversations are worldly. About guitars, about vacations, about clothing…. the things you’d expect from non-christians. Moreover, people don’t realize this. They think everything’s all dandy. The church perhaps is one of the most horrific examples of the work of the forces of darkness. I could go more into it but i think i’ve overkilled this entire negative spirit, isolation, suffocation topic. it should be enough that you might think for yourself and see some of these things.

Anyway isolation, suffocation is the way the world operates now. I believe there is a force out there that is striving to destroy all human beings. Crush them spiritually, mentally, emotionally. I sound really negative don’t i? But when i think about what’s going on, the world is seriously sinking. it is so messed up. Many will try and argue otherwise and you can still enjoy life or enjoy the things you have, the experiences you get and so forth. Having fun with friends and so forth is good and all. But that’s something only said if people don’t see the big picture. Those are the things that are temporary and immediate. That is not what life is about. Many aren’t aware and do not see the bigger picture. Clearly, perhaps many are within their small circle of friends, in their own bubbles and probably one of those who are conditioned to becoming a zombie as mentioned above.

wow im relaly not coherent. I’m tired and there’s just too much on my mind. More to be said another time. maybe i’ll edit this post as i see fit.