She tells me that my skin smells like coffee. I tell her it’s what happens after a few months of the same thing. Sometimes it’s necessary, I say. At least I don’t smell like a chain smoker. She looks away and plays with a pencil. If it’s a bother to you, I say, I can put on cologne or something. She admits she likes the aroma of coffee. But coffee and sweat is a little strange at times. Then she laughs. The sound is feeble before the darkness swallows it, like heavy smog on a summer day.
To someone like her, or anyone sane, living like this isn’t living at all. A dark room, or perhaps physical blindness, opens the eyes of the soul. That is what I believe. It’s months since I’ve withdrawn from the “world”, but to me, the world I reside in is much more fascinating than what lies outside my door. She still comes to visit, bringing in with her a light fragrance of rose and lavender, maybe a few petals of cherry blossoms in April, maybe the scent of rain and wet grass, maybe the hint of alcohol in her breath. Every time she walks in, it is like a jolt through my body, wrenching of my spirit from a distant land where there is no gender and no subjectivity.
When someone asks why I write, I tell them that I have no choice. Sometimes it is conscription and other times, imprisonment. In either case, it is warfare. I am called to march into another realm – most of the time, alone and reluctant – but I do so anyway. There isn’t a choice, because I don’t belong in the world that she belongs in. I exist on the vertical axis, I am called to transcend the concrete matters of history and politics, events and people, experience and feeling, system and structure, into a world where abstraction and spontaneity of imagination and romance reign, a world of eternal philosophies and myths, interconnection between all that humankind has accumulated through the millennia, all of which are no longer contained within clear order or rules, where colours whirl and spin around like dancing cartoons on Saturday mornings and palpitate like a painter in ecstatic merciless conducting of a grand symphony of human consciousness composed of ideas, thoughts, memories, archetypes, hidden themes and sharp insight – it all converges into a myriad of particles and light shines through these particles. This is a world where there is no up and down, no left and right, no right direction. Being called to walk in this world, takes tremendous energy, but it is a noble task and a privilege.
When I am compelled to write, my hands tremble, my mind ricochets with automatic gunfire and my heart bloats with unbearable intensity, threatening to detonate if there is no release. But even when I’m not filled with the Muses, still I sit down and I force myself to. Lock myself away from the world with a cup of coffee and begin to transcend to the realm of the imagination. There are not many who have access to this world above, and if I do not make use of every moment, what will my purpose in life be?
Those who are called to walk in pace with the eternal spirits, have a purpose. It is to show this world to those who cannot perceive it. It is to create a bridge and merge both worlds together. Those who read, will catch a glimpse of the wonder, heights and the depths and the infinite horizons of such a realm. We reveal truth behind the horizontal plane, the meaning behind symbols, the conspiracies behind the system, the darkness and the light of life itself. We unlock minds so that they too can live a little more.
SECONDHAND MEMORIES the pioneer cell phone novel from 5 years ago, will be published by Sakura Publishing very soon! I’ve been friends with the owner who had come across the project years ago and expressed interest in publishing it. Finally, after some discussions, I’ve signed the contract and it will soon be OFFICIALLY underway. Please stay tuned for updates, special promotions, free stuff etc, and be ready to pick it up when it is printed/published/released!
So the t-shirts that I designed also came in and here are my silly pics! Tshirts, iPhone cases and merch will be available at http://society6.com/takatsu
As well here’s my cover of ONE OK ROCK’s Notes n Words, uploaded recently:
Other than all this, I’m in a great spot. I feel very satisfied and just well in general ^^ Just gotta remember to sleep earlier. Espresso Love is at 70,000 words and counting. My outline for it still has a lot more and will be very exciting. I just hope to be able to finish this without going too much over 100,000 words (because you know 80,000-120,000 is standard for a novel, especially if its going to be my major “debut” novel going into the publishing world). It will require a lot of editing, but if I can keep my word count low enough hopefully it wouldn’t be too too much.
It’s getting warmer in Toronto and feels good to get back on a skateboard and jam some tunes outside. Can’t wait for the cherry blossoms. I’m getting quite jealous of my friends in Japan who have been posting up pictures of sakura, which is like over for them, while we still have bouts of cold wintry weather and even… snow.
I’m finishing off the school year. I’ve just got a portfolio to hand in for the creative writing program and one exam to finish off. Then I will be off! I’m a little concerned about being off school because I literally won’t have anything concrete to do and will need to figure something out. Of course, aside from writing my novel. Espresso Love should be finished by early or mid-summer. I’m looking to finish this, because it will be the completion of my most ambitious work to date, and my greatest creative accomplishment. It has so much poured into it, I sometimes wonder how I can manage to pull this off. When I re-read portions, I feel like it hadn’t been myself writing it. I feel no personal connection to it, but rather it feels like some published author had written it and it is a remarkable feeling. It is really demanding but keeps me grounded throughout all these months. It gives me drive, such motivation and a lens to look at the world through. I’m looking forward to finish it, so that I will be free as well. Free to do other things, to recover my creative energy and gather my spirits, to read, absorb and learn, and tackle smaller projects like short stories that I can submit to different places.
Summer will be great. But I’ll have to learn the pacing and the rhythms of this year’s summer first.